Life

So I haven't been on for a while. I got into a funk I couldn't shake. But I think I am over it. 

I am making home made chicken soup. It's not that hard. I had two chicken Carcuses that I boiled down yesterday for broth. Then Today I am adding my veggies and Noodles.  And wala it will be finished. I love to cook. I always have. When My kids were younger and it was the three of us, i use to cook everything natural. I never used canned or processed foods. But now it is harder for me to cook cause of the Fibromyalgia. And I can't stan d as long as I use to by the stove watching the food. So I have gone to doing some things easy. Like Frozen veggies or canned veggies. I still make Some things from scratch. 

Mom is better. That is encouraging for me.  I feel I can talk to her more. There are still some things I know I can't tell her. The only one I ever had that relationship with was my dad. If I asked my father not to tell anyone he wouldn't. Not even my mother. But If I tell her not to tell anyone then the whole family knows and that was before the stroke lol. I don't know why she does it. I don't think it is out of spite or anything. I think she just likes to talk and when she has  a captive audiance she feels she has to dish lol. I have been asked many a time to forget what she has said. So I know that it goes the same way when she is talking with other poeple. 

My relathipnship with my brothers unfortunatly is still the same. it  saddens me too. WE have HOlidays coming up at my mothers house and It will be uncomfrotable. I mean if they won't talk to me ten I can't see me going it will be tense and uncomfortable.   And I don't want to make it any  harder on my mother then it has to be. This is the first time without my dad. So I am not sure how she will be. She wants us to come but i dont' want it to be ruined for her. She loves my brother and sisters more and I have acccepted that. we have never had a close relationship. I had hoped after her stroke that we would be closer but my sister has all but ruined that theory. She has actuallly managed to push me completely out of the family , using myself against me. She used my own mouth. I played right into her hands. Along with the rest of the family. How ever she also used the brothers. Filling them fulll of crap and they believed her, so shame on them. 

My Health isn't getting any better. Infact it is getting worse. Or it seems it. I just don't get it. I am in so much pain. I don't think it's just the fibromyalgia, I think it is also the VCFS I do not get any rest from it. The pain is so bad . I can't stand it. I can't even walk sometimes. It deffinatly plays with how I do house work and cook etc. it sucks. :(